countdown
by CraveCataclysm
Summary: this is the countdown of your life. SasuSaku, GaaSaku, SaiIno, SakuHina, KakaSaku, KakaKar, AnkoIta, ItaSaku, drugs, sex, alcohol, abuse.
1. five

.f**i**_v_e.

(& _be a good girl, it won't hurt so much_)

Sakura knows from the moment she wakes up its going to be a Liquid Day.

(_liquid days are the days she has to pretend to be liquid - calm, untouchable, __**prettyprettypretty**_)

Sakura can tell because her dad doesn't get out of bed, not even when she tells him there's breakfast on the table. She knows because her mother won't come out of the bathroom. She knows because her parents unknowingly put the bottle of Gin in her lunch bag.

(_but that's okay, really, cause she doesn't eat anyway _-)

These are the days that Sakura goes to school in multiple layers. An undershirt. A polo. A sweater. A hoodie. Sweats, then jeans, and a longer skirt. Gloves. Arm warmers. Two pairs of socks. It makes the cold go away, just a little.

(_but the panic is still there, thrumming, jerking underneath her skin _-)

She doesn't talk until last period - her friends crowd in _**close-close-close **_too _close_, and they ask-ask-_ask_, '_what's wrong_?' But she doesn't talk to any of them - except for her last teacher. She talks back, she argues, she says borderline rude things. He gives her after-school detention, without fail.

Sakura gladly stays for the detention, just watching the clock tick-tick-tick. When her time is up (_**nonono**_) the panic surges upward, but she beats it back (_just like daddy_) when she pulls out her homework, and does that as slowly as she can. Sakura knows she is just making it worse, but she prolongs the inevitable nonetheless by double and triple checking her work.

Eventually the doors start to close, and Sakura walks home, as slowly as she can, making sure to take the long way home.

On the way she sees Tenten, sitting on the curb outside of her own house. Her dress is dirty and the hem is tattered, with one long rip up the front that the other girl holds together almost desperately. There are bruises smattering her arms, in varying shades. The girl is holding an icepack to her face, which obscures most of it, but Sakura can still see the bruise that blossoms across her cheek.

But Sakura doesn't ask, so Tenten doesn't tell. (_even though she doesn't need to, its easy to see that she's __**just like you **_-)

Tenten looks up at her, and she looks melancholy, floaty, _numb_. Her eyes don't even look - Sakura doesn't know how to describe it, but she just _doesn't_. She looks more at-peace than Sakura can ever remember herself being, and she **wants **it.

"He's broken a couple bottles, so he's going to want more." Tenten says evenly, and Sakura knows that the other girl isn't talking about her older brother - she's talking about Sakura's father. Sakura doesn't ask how Tenten knows - she always does.

"Oh." Sakura says articulately, when she really wants to ask is, '_how?_' But she doesn't know how to do that, either, so she doesn't.

"I'll come over and show you sometime." Tenten promises with a beatific smile (_would-be, because the bruise distorts, and her lip is split, and there's __**blood**__ on her pretty-pretty-pretty skin_ -). It seems like she can always read Sakura's mind, nowadays.

Then there's the sound of glass smashing, and Sakura's father's voice rings out, slightly muffled. Sakura's whole body flinches, but she doesn't look away from Tenten, who's slowly lowering the icepack. The left side of her entire face is one big bruise, and her eye is swollen shut. Her lip is split, and there's a long gash across her cheek. Blood has already crusted from her nose, her mouth, and her cheek. She looks absolutely ugly, and the look she gives Sakura says that _she knows_. The other girl raises her hand slowly, waves only slightly, and Sakura immediately spins off to confront her fate.

As she walks she imagines she turns to liquid. Her features calm, the panic seeps away, and her edges blur. She is untouchable, unruffled. She will not feel the pain.

(_atleast, that's what she tells herself_)

* * *

Everybody says Gaara is homicidal. That he'd kill you as soon as look at you. That his hair is so red because its from the blood of his victims.

But Sakura knows this isn't exactly true - he hasn't hurt anyone in the years she's known him (unprovoked, at least. even still, she remembers the time he split open a kid's skull for messing with his sister).

Sakura thinks 'numb' is a better word for him than 'homicidal'. Because even when he snapped and broke that one kid, he didn't look like anything. Just blank - like he wasn't even there. Like he was just an empty puppet. He always moves slow enough for it to be true - like he's disconnected from _everything_.

Sakura has always wanted to be numb, floaty, calm. As it is she is ever-moving, and so _cold_. She thinks that if she watches Gaara, she will learn how to not be so.

When Gaara takes out a bottle of painkillers and dry-swallows two, she thinks she might be getting somewhere.

* * *

Sakura stands on a plain wooden chair in her shoddy kitchen, the medicine cabinet thrown open in front of her. She is in tiny shorts and a tiny tank top (_all her bruises on display_ -) and she looks and feels remarkably like a child.

Tenten is on her knees in Sakura's bathroom, shoving a finger down her throat and heaving her miniscule lunch into the dirty toilet. She'd offered that that was how she'd gotten numb, but Sakura wasn't having any of it. She didn't like puke breath.

"Have any breath mints in there?" Tenten asks breathlessly, and crawls up onto the counter next to Sakura. Sakura doesn't even look at her, just stares into the cabinet like she's lost.

"…Gaara takes painkillers." Sakura says after a few moments, seemingly out of the blue. Tenten is unsurprised.

"Oh? Here, then." Tenten says, and reaches up, taking out a prescription medicine she is very familiar with. She unscrews the cap, opening her mouth as if to show Sakura how its done. Sakura's lips fall open obediently, and Tenten places two tablets on the other girls tongue. Sakura dry swallows emotionlessly. When the long-awaited numbness spreads through her veins, she doesn't really feel it - its numb, after all. Sakura just knows that the panic is gone, and that's all that matters.

"Just like candy, yeah?" Tenten asks, popping her own pills.

"…Just like Candy."

* * *

Sakura takes her pills with her everyday after that - sometimes she need them, sometimes she doesn't. And then there are the times when she _needs_ them.

Inevitably she runs out - and decides to go to Gaara. He always has those pretty little pills, and besides - she thinks if she gets close enough, she could just _absorb_ his numb. She's bored enough to try, at any rate.

Gaara didn't even take his clothes off. Granted, they'd been in the chem classroom, but still. It wasn't what she'd expected. He was good, of course - it felt _wonderful_ - but it wasn't what she expected.

(_but that's okay, cause if it was what you expected, it would have been much, much worse, even if you still saw __**him**__ anyway, not gaara _-)

Sakura was still struggling into her pants when the door opened behind the redhead. Sakura froze and crossed her arms over her naked chest. She hadn't even bother to put her underwear back on, her jeans were bunched around her thighs, and she had no shirt or bra on. Dear god, she hoped it wasn't a teacher.

…It wasn't.

It was Uchiha Sasuke, the resident prude. (this is only said because almost every girl has thrown herself at him - some of the boys have, too - and he hasn't even twitched in their direction. He's had no relationships whatsoever, ever. Except Naruto, who can barely be considered a friend, they fight so much.)

He took one look at the mostly-naked Sakura and almost walked right back out. But Gaara beat him to it - he threw a pill bottle at Sakura, who scrabbled for it desperately, before breezing out of the classroom, the door banging shut behind him.

Uchiha averted his eyes as Sakura tried once more to struggle into her pants. She didn't know what was wrong (except the hem is broken again), but she wasn't going to get into them anytime soon, so she slipped her shirt over her head, backwards and inside-out. She wasted no time in popping two pills (_one, two_) and dry-swallowing. All the better, to deal with Uchiha (_who made her heart beat fast, her palms sweat, her knees weak, made the panic flutter with a surge of shame _-)

"You shouldn't do that. It's going to kill you." He says dispassionately when she's collapsed back against the chair.

"What do you care?" Sakura asks, trying to sound scathing. Her voice comes out _**weak-weak-weak**_, and _**cracks**_ halfway through. Sasuke gives her a _look_, and she immediately goes back to struggling with her pants.

When he's found what he wants - a beaker, she thinks - he stops right in front of her, his face blank.

"The recommended dose is three pills a day. You need to stop." Sasuke says, quite firmly.

"…Fine." Sakura murmurs. And maybe she will stop - will he think she's _**pretty-pretty-pretty**_ too, if she does?

He nods and leaves her there, half-naked and feeling used.

When he's gone, she realizes that now there are four people who've seen her bruises.

(_daddy, tenten, gaara, sasuke _-)

So maybe she will stop. Ino says she has something better, anyway…

* * *

This is going to have six chapters, with various pairings. There will be sex, drugs, alcohol, abuse, and other bad stuff (which, of course, you can expect from me). As you can tell, its Sakura-centric.


	2. four

**.**_f_o**u**r.

(& _this is what we call living in a haze_)

Ino didn't really have Something Better - but she showed Sakura that her father did. She went all through the house picking up her father's bottles, while Sakura stood and watched. She was scare-_scare_-_**scared**_, even if she knew her father would never notice. She didn't want to try Alcohol - but Ino was adamant. When the Pig had dumped the bottles on Sakura's bed she dragged the pinkette there, shoving her down on the bed firmly.

"Now, this probably tastes the best, but this probably has the least alcohol in it…" Ino immediately launched into lengthy explanations, and told Sakura just how much she could drink before anyone would notice, before she got a hangover, before she went _numb_.

And then Ino picked up a bottle of Gin (_the bottle daddy gave her for lunch _-) and took a long swig. Sakura's mouth fell open slightly and she stared as Ino downed half the bottle in one go, her hands shaking. Would Ino suddenly realize how _ugly _Sakura was, because of the alcohol?

"Sakura, if you don't choose a bottle, I'm going to choose for you." Ino warned, seemingly unaffected. She'd probably been drinking as long as Sakura had been downing pills (_which she __**want-want-wanted**__, bad-bad-badly right now _-)

"Are we just going to drink all night? That's boring, Pig." Sakura said casually, reaching out and plucking the bottle from Ino's hands. She examined it for a moment, but it couldn't hurt, right? Right?

(_and if ino suddenly realizes, it might help, yes, maybe_)

Sakura drinks the rest of the bottle and it _burns_. But she doesn't stop until its gone, and then she chokes and splutters and drops the bottle onto the bed.

"…Fuck." Sakura whispers as her head spins slightly, the edges of everything blurring faintly. She feels warm and bubbly and she wants to _giggle_. It scares her.

"Its not numb. You said - you told me it would be, P-Pig." Sakura says, and is satisfied that she does not slur. It seems she isn't that bad of a lightweight, even if she still feels like giggling.

"You could always take your pretty little pills, Forehead." Ino says, and opens another bottle. Sakura doesn't think she's going to touch either of them, now.

"That's… That's not safe." Sakura murmurs, even though she's having trouble remembering why or how. She just knows it isn't.

Ino laughs loudly, spilling a bit of the alcohol on Sakura's pretty pink sheets.

"And you thought you were safe before?" Ino asks, and downs the rest of the bottle. Sakura doesn't answer, just wraps her arms around herself (_its her ribs this time, because daddy didn't stop kicking even after she was on the floor _-)

"You're never safe." (_i know_) Sakura is saved from answering when her doorbell rings, the sound rusty, and she slips off the bed, stumbling in her haste.

"Its only Sai, hun! I called him over for some fun." Ino shouts, slurring. Sakura doesn't stop, but she yanks the door open, dragging Sai inside.

"Hello, Homely." He greeted, smiling an empty smile. Suddenly, Sakura hated it - hated him, hated everything.

"Shut the fuck up, Sai." Sakura growls and jerks him down for a kiss. (_she thinks she doesn't know why, but she does, because he's just like gaara, only he can fake it _-) She releases him as suddenly as she'd gripped him, shoving him down the hall towards her bedroom.

"Your girl's waiting for you." Sakura calls out, and goes to find the Jack Daniels that's hidden in the lamp on the coffee table.

When she walks back into her room, stumbling, tipsy and approaching drunk, Sai and Ino are sucking face on her bed. She doesn't say anything, just chugs her bottle, and misses someone of her own.

* * *

Three weeks later Sakura comes to school piss-drunk, the plastic bottle she brings with her stinking of alcohol. The teachers never even noticed, thinking her silliness and clumsiness and what-the-hell-ever was just her being a teenager.

She hides in the chem room after school, knowing her daddy is going to notice that she's been stealing his Jack. (_but shes pretending not to care, and shes doing __**good**_ -)

Sakura fairly passes out on one of the desks, and this is why she doesn't even twitch when the classroom door opens. She hears footsteps coming toward her, and out of the corner of her eye, she can suddenly see dark, dark fabric.

"Sakura, wake up." A familiar voice commands, and Sakura lifts her head blearily. Sasuke comes into her line of sight, looking disapproving. She brightens immediately, stumbling to her feet and draping herself over him.

"Hullo, S-Saukeh-kooon." Sakura slurs, nuzzling against his chest. He stiffens in her arms, trying to gently detach her.

"When I said you had to stop, I didn't mean for you to pick up something else." Sasuke finally stops trying to pry her off of him and wraps his arms around her (_no-no-no, that's a trap, _don't -) He's surprisingly gentle.

"…Dunno whatchoo mean." Sakura mutters, relaxing into him even more. He smells so nice, and he's surprisingly warm…

And then Sasuke shoves her back down onto the chair, glaring for all he's worth. Sakura cowers under his gaze, her hands shifting restlessly.

"You come to school smashed every fucking day, Sakura. And this -" Here he takes the water bottle she's brought with her, sniffing the lid to find that it isn't water after all. He sneers in disgust, turning on his heel and dumping the contents down the sink, despite Sakura's protests.

"Here." He snaps, and tosses the now-empty bottle at her. Useless.

"I think I liked the pills better." Sasuke says scathingly, before slamming out of the room.

Sakura sits in shock, and pretends she's not sobbing.

* * *

I really didn't like that ending… and it was too short… But I hope you liked it anyway! ^_^ The next one might be awhile, but it might come faster if you review. XD *shameless*

To icantseeyourstar: I'm glad I didn't epicly fail at showing how much it affects the children. XD (I was worried, since my personal experience doesn't go as far as Sakura's does). I really wanted to show it realistically, and its wonderful to know I succeeded. ^_^ As always, thank you so much for your review, it makes me want to update faster. :D (I would have just replied to the review, but the site wouldn't let me, XD)


	3. three

._t_**h**_r_e**e**.

(_& dont be so special, faery boy_)

Its her birthday. She is seventeen, and she is radiant. Her pink hair positively glows, curling and all done up. Her skin is soft and pearly white (_daddy says so_), instead of sickly yellow (_that's what the jack does, you know_). She has on a sea-green summer dress that makes her eyes shimmer.

Sakura is seventeen, and she makes daddy so proud.

(_im so proud of you baby so proud daddy loves you baby daddy loves his good little girl_)

Hinata smiles shyly; Naruto flirts unsuccessfully; Ino plays with her hair; Sai smiles blankly; Tenten Dj's. Happy_happy__**happy**_, so fucking happy.

Sasuke didn't come.

But then daddy's hand is on her back (_only the small of her back, thats all_). He tells her (_i have a special present for you tonight_), and Sakura decides its better that Sasuke isn't here, after all.

"Hinata, you are so mean for not telling me about this!" Sakura gasps, positively bouncing up and down. Her hands are clutching the dark-haired girls shoulders as she sways and writhes slightly with the music, not really dancing but never staying still.

Hinata flinches and flushes, her face crumpling. Sakura is sure she's apologizing, but Hinata won't speak loud enough to hear her.

"Dance with me!" Sakura screams, and jerks the girl onto the dance floor. The lights flash dizzyingly, the smell of sweat heavy in the air. The beat pounds as techno blasts from the speakers, hips gyrating as bodies pack in close. The effect is startling and dreamlike all at once, and Sakura's body moves instinctively. Her rainbow hair swings about her face, and her loose shirt slips and slides across her shoulders. She twirls and jerks, flows and pops; the lights, the colors, the sound spin and spin and _spin_ around her.

She looses Hinata, and just raves instead.

At one point she's screaming - she doesn't know why, she just _does_. Its _right_. Someone shoves something bright and slippery in her mouth - a square of gelatin. She spins away from the person, but doesn't spit out - its _**tastetastetastes**_ good, and she sucks experimentally. The lights start to pulse more insistently, and she sees stars.

Suddenly, she sees a boy - he looks - looks like a fairy. With shimmery blue-black hair, _**brightbrightbright**_ white skin, and oh so dark eyes, she thinks, (_he's a faery_).

She glides over, because daddy would tell her (_boys are fiends, just listen to daddy_), and she wants to touch the faery.

The faery - well, he's very cold. He's stiff as a board when she dances against him, his whitewhitewhite skin just like ice.

"Wings!" She shouts at him and _laughs_. She kisses him as she gyrates.

In the morning, she won't remember that he let her.

(_don't touch me_) A whimper, something high-pitched - it sounds like screaming, and she wishes it would just _stop_. Her eyes are clenched shut and her shoulders hunched forward, but still the whole world won't stop shaking; it trembles and blurs at the edges, so shaky.

She wishes the screaming would stop.

"Daddy, please." A whisper, but they all turn to look.

"Miss Haruno?" Someone asks, and the world goes dark at the edges. Sakura swings her head up, colors whizzing past her eyes.

"Just - Please - M-may I be ex-excused?" She stammerstutterpleads, and doesn't wait for an answer. She hopes they don't watch as she trips towards the door, but they burn holes in her back anyway.

"_Please_," And her back hits the wall, some distance away - she doesn't know where she is, and everything is so white, so cold.

"Sakura." Suddenly, a slash of black - cold black eyes, jagged black hair.

_Why hello, Sasuke-kun._

She wonders why he won't stop shivering.

"Sakura, you look like a meth addict. Whats wrong with you?"

"Do - doyouhaveanyX?" She rushes, wringing her hands together - oh please, pleasepleaseplease Sasuke, she needs it.

"I don't have anything, Sakura." Oh, so harsh - don't be so harsh on me, please - her hands go up, over her ears. She doesn't want to hear it.

Somehow, she finds she's against a rigid-stiff - but undeniably warm - chest. Sasuke doesn't want to hold her, but that's okay - she can pretend. She knows what it would feel like. (_daddy showed her, oh, yes he did_)

"Sasuke, I'm scared." She can't even hear her own voice.

Now, now there are lights all the time. They dance, and shine, and shimmer - all for her, just for her. She giggles, and smiles, and glows - nobody sees them, nobody but her. They're hers, all hers.

"Sakura, you can't have these anymore." Sakura moves through her fog, and turns to see that Temari - good ol' Temari - has her box of Mescaline tabs.

"I have to have them." Sakura says fuzzily, and reaches for her box - the lights are shivering, agitated. (_**no-no-no-no**_) screams out in her head. Sasuke, who's standing right next to the blonde, pockets the tabs.

"I'll tell him." Ino says seriously, and Sakura - she goes white. (_youre not a good little girl, are you sakura?_) Daddy - he doesn't like her lights. The lights don't like him, either.

"Ino…" Sakura begs, and all three frown at her.

"…Okay." She whispers, and they all smile.

Daddy, he still thinks she's a good girl. He still thinks she's pretty, even when she starts to miss her little jelly squares.


	4. two

._t_**w**o.

(_&you jump off the tracks_)

"She won't take you to any raves anymore?" Karin asks incredulously, her dark eyes wide.

"She won't! And they move all the time, too." Sakura pouted, scratching at her arms testily. They were itchy and crawly - she hadn't had _anything_ in days, and she couldn't take it anymore.

"Well, don't worry - sensei has some really could stuff. And it looks like a regular inhaler, too." Karin gushed, tugging the pink-haired girl inside a nearby classroom. Sakura flinched out of her hold, but Karin didn't seem to notice.

"Kakashi-sensei!" Karin gushed, latching onto the silver-haired man's arm. He smiled down at her, bemused.

"Why hello, Karin. Who is this?" He asked curiously, tilting his head at Sakura. Sakura blushed uncomfortably, shifting restlessly. She didn't _know_ him - she didn't want to be here, this close, this enclosed. She just wanted to get off, and then _run_.

She'd wanted Karin to run with her.

"Oh, this is Sakura. Don't worry - she's pretty experienced, just not with, well, _you know_." Karin purred, practically hanging off the older man's arm.

Sakura didn't like it.

"Well, let me get it, then." Kakashi hinted, and Karin let go of him. She latched onto Sakura instead - it made the pink-haired girl's skin crawl, but she didn't pull away. She was practically shaking in anticipation.

Kakashi pulled out a drawer behind his desk, producing a nondescript white inhaler. He held it loosely in the palm of his hand - Karin pressed her breasts against the tabletop in her haste to get to it, taking a deep drag as soon as she snatched it from him. He watched, amused, as she sighed dizzily.

"Here, Sakura." She called breathlessly, holding it out to the pink-haired girl blindly; she didn't even glance at her when Sakura plucked it from her outstretched fingers.

_I wonder what exactly it is… _Sakura mused as she stared down at the little device in her hands, but decided she didn't care; She took a deep breath of the foul, sharp gas, her head spinning. A giddy feeling started growing in her stomach, and her shame washed away, just like that.

"Mmm…" She raised her head at Karin's small moan, watching dreamily as she and the sensei kissed.

…_oh_.

* * *

Sakura watched, breathless, as the train whipped past, a few chains snapping in the wind. The roar was deafening.

"They go so fast," She gasped when it had quieted, her eyes bright. Temari chuckled in the grass beside her.

"Yeah, they do." She agreed easily, glancing over to see another train nearing in the distance.

Sakura pouted down at her, jerking suddenly towards the tracks. She planted herself firmly in the middle, staring at the oncoming train defiantly.

"Sakura, what are you doing?" Temari demanded, sitting up and glancing at the train nervously.

"Chicken!" Sakura chirped, bouncing on the tracks.

The train was getting closer.

"Sakura, get off." Temari ordered, standing up. The tracks were starting to rumble, the tiny pebbles trembling.

"No! Not yet." Sakura enthused, grinning over at Temari.

"Sakura!" Temari shouted as the train blared. Sakura watched with wide eyes and a racing heart as the train neared, deadly steel rushing toward her, oddly calm -

- and Temari slammed into her side, knocking her into the dirt.

"Damnit Sakura!" She could see Temari screaming at her, but she couldn't hear anything - she couldn't really feel anything, either.

* * *

"I can't believe she tried to kill herself." They whispered, shocked and amused. They tittered at her. They shifted away, going silent when she walked by, only to start up again once they thought she couldn't hear.

Sakura couldn't take it anymore.

She didn't have anymore pills. Daddy wouldn't let her have any alcohol. Hinata wouldn't give her anymore gelatin. Kakashi-sensei wouldn't give her any more inhalant.

She couldn't stand it.

"Can't you just leave me be?" She whispered to the wind, teetering on the edge of the roof. It caressed her coolly, whispering past her skin, wondering,_ how did you get here?_ Sakura couldn't remember anymore - she couldn't remember anything.

She wondered what it would feel like to slam into the concrete three stories below.

"Don't jump." A low voice told her. Sakura didn't even twitch, just looked over her shoulder and smiled.

"And why not, Sasuke-kun?" She asked wistfully, glancing back toward the cold ground. She was almost positive a fall like that would kill her.

"Dying is pointless. It means they beat you." He murmurs directly into her ear, and suddenly there are warm arms around her waist, and dark hair tickling her cheek. Sakura relaxes instantly, a shiver going up her spine; but this time, she doesn't mind so much.

"I already lost." Sakura whispers, but Sasuke doesn't let go.

* * *

Disclaimer: I don't own.


	5. one

.**o**_n_e.

(_&could you ever be mine?_)

"Take me home," She whispers plaintively, hiding her face against his chest. She's facing him now, clinging to him like he's all she has left. (_and maybe__**maybe**__ he is_)

He doesn't say anything, just leads her away from the rooftop. She shivers, blurring; they walk and walk and _walk_, and suddenly she's in his car. She doesn't know how they got there, but she doesn't care, either.

They drive in silence; he concentrates diligently on the asphalt beneath them, and she shivers and tries not to scream.

When the big garage door creeps open it's the only sound, and Sakura things it sounds just like bones snapping.

"I'll be right back." Sasuke's deep voice rings through her head, cutting through the fog. The pink-haired girl just stares at him dimly until he leaves. She tries to follow, sluggish (_dont leave __**please**__ dont wanna be alone_), and collapses against the shiny black metal. She wishes it were somehow sharp.

He finds her asleep on the cold concrete, huddled up like a child.

"Sakura!" He says, irritable (_but hes really just worried __**really**_), and shakes her awake.

"Hmmm?" She asks slowly, trying to form words. It doesn't work.

"When's the last time you ate?" When she just looks confused he lets out a frustrated breath and picks her up like she weighs nothing (_but shes so __**big**__ daddy says so_) and carries her inside.

When he deposited her on a bed, she bounced limply, whimpering weakly at the loss of him.

Then he was gone again - but he couldn't be gone, she _needed_ him. She made herself stumble out of bed and to the floor, clawing her way across the lush carpet. She hadn't even crawled her way to the staircase when she collapsed, spent. Her head was spinning - maybe it would just twirl away. Maybe then her brain would stop telling her that her stomach _ached_. Everything ached.

But there - the door was open.

Her blurry eyes finally focused on someone inside, sitting primly on the bed. Black hair, pale skin, lithe and muscled.

"Sasuke…?" She whispered, but the boy didn't seem to notice her. He had a syringe in his hand, and as she watched, he slipped the needle into the soft skin of his elbow unflinchingly. (_hes almost as delicate as you, why cant you do that?_) When a gleeful smile suddenly lit up the boy's stoic face, his body thrumming with barely contained energy, she decided she wanted it.

She ate, because Sasuke kept finding her at lunch, forcing her to choke down some apple, or a carrot, or - _please __**no**_- crackers.

He made her come home with him everyday - except liquid days. Daddy would be furious if he knew she was going home with a boy.

And Sakura was almost happy - except for when she had to shove her fingers down her throat and hold them there, until the crackers and apples and carrots came up, until the bile burned her from the inside out.

Except for when she couldn't help thinking, _what if he knew? _He wouldn't like it, if he knew how she was daddy's little girl.

And then she found out from Anko, her science partner, that Itachi went to club Eternal every Friday night. She found out that if you were a good girl, he might share his crystals with you.

On Friday, Sakura didn't go home with Sasuke. She went home with Anko instead.

Eternal wasn't like the rave she'd been to with Hinata. The lights were low, and pulsed gently in darker colors. The music was slower, with heavier bass, and little or wordless vocals. It pulsed across her skin, and she wanted to dance.

But Anko was pulling her towards a back room, out of the misty, swirling lights. She knew they were going to Itachi and his ice, and a wave of ecstasy washed over her; she'd eaten nothing all day, and she knew she could be a good girl for him, like she'd been for Gaara and Kakashi and Sai. (_**not **__like daddy, right?_)

"Itachi!" Anko shouted over the music, and oh, there was Sasuke's brother. He was sitting on a leather couch in black jeans, shirtless. His skin glowed in the dim lights. He turned to look at them, but didn't say anything.

"This is Sakura." Anko introduced her, (_im sorry _-) and she smiled.

Anko sat down on his left, motion for Sakura to sit on his right. She let herself fold down onto the couch, and he let her lean her head on his shoulder tiredly. She was just so tired…

She perked up when he pulled out a dark plastic bag, popping it open to reveal dozens of small syringes. He handed one to Anko, one to Sakura, and kept one for himself. She watched as he and Anko both shot the liquid into their veins expertly - but she didn't know how. She held hers dumbly as the euphoria washed over their faces, feeling small and childish.

"Oh, you poor baby! You don't know how." Anko cooed when she'd noticed Sakura's pause. She wished she hadn't come.

"C'mere." The other girl practically purred. She pulled Sakura closer - incidentally, onto Itachi's lap - and took her syringe from her. She yanked one of Sakura's arms toward her, and she braced herself against Itachi's shoulder. He didn't seem to mind, but she closed her eyes anyway as Anko slipped the needle into her skin. She was being such a bad girl…

And then suddenly that didn't matter anymore. She was soaring over the world - and she could do _anything_. She smiled when someone kissed her - it didn't matter who - and opened her eyes.


	6. zero

._z_**e**_r_o.

(_& close your eyes, love; this is what they call the end_)

A slide of hot skin against another's, pale bodies shifting and blurring into each other. Sakura's light moans and Sasuke's restrained gasps fill the room, and Sakura's vision is filled with a heated image of Sasuke's face. Their upper bodies are both bared, clothes thrown haphazardly to the floor.

"Wait," Sakura gasps out, a painful sound in their wordless communication. Sasuke freezes at her request, and she slips off the bed, locking herself into his attached bathroom. She misses the brief look of hurt and confusion in his eyes; she's too caught up in her own doubts.

(_what if he sees what if daddy finds out what if he's __**mad**__ what if _-)

She grips the doorknob for support, pressing her forehead against the cool wood as an anchor. She's surprised that the sobs never come.

With shaking hands, she digs out a small paper packet from her back pocket, dumping the innocuous white powder into a jagged line on the pristine countertop.

She prefers smoking over anything, prefers the heady feel of fumes filling her body and giving her substance. She even likes the sharpness of shooting it directly into her veins; but she doesn't have a syringe, or her pipe, so she bends over, plugs one nostril, and _breathes_.

The ice tickles as it flows to her lungs, but she squeezes her eyes and nose shut so she doesn't sneeze - its much too precious for that.

A faint feeling of confidence and joy fills her, but it only makes her shake harder.

(_its not working -!_)

She scrambles to pull out her second pack, almost ripping the precious paper in her haste. She hurriedly snorts the dust - _what an ugly word _- and reels back, her head spinning. A giddy smile breaks out on her face, because this is the best high she's ever had. She starts to scrabble at her buckle futilely - they're just much too _hot_. Her nails threaten to splinter (_just like the rest of you_), and finally she simply yanks them off her hips, leaving angry red rug burns behind. Her panties go with them, and she stumbles out of the bathroom.

Sasuke is sitting on the bed, elbows on his knees and his hands clasped contemplatively. A line of tension fills his entire body as he waits, and she knows he's been winding himself tighter and tighter while she's been gone.

_Silly boy,_ she thinks, as she collapses next to him, folding her hands on his shoulder and kissing his temple. He stiffens further before abruptly relaxing, turning slightly to kiss her properly.

She doesn't know how she ends up on her back, Sasuke hovering over her, but she doesn't really care. She just whines and whimpers - unable to form words - as she attempts to unclasp his jeans. He pauses from kissing her neck to unzip the stupid pants and kick them off behind him - more of his pearly skin fills her vision, and she feels unexplainably dizzy. She shuts her eyes against the haze, shuddering as he toys with her nipple experimentally - she wonders if he's a virgin.

She tries to giggle at the thought, and realizes she can't make _any _sound. She opens her eyes, but her visions gone blurry - Sasuke's face looks like its been painted in watercolor, all foggy and murky.

"Sakura…?" He says her name, but she can barely hear him - it feels like she's underwater, suffocating. But she's still happy as her vision goes dark, and her mind goes numb.

_Just a little nap_, is her last though, wondrously free of any influence but her own.

She doesn't wake up.

* * *

The end, my dearest readers! Did you like it? ^-^  
But hey, dont give up on me yet - a sequel is in the works! :O  
Until next time, my darlings!

- Kol Cadence Clandestine


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